Day 84: No big deal...?

I was hoping to have something perky to talk about as I have realised that my last few blogs have been a bit depressing to say the least. But then I also realised, this is kind of the point of me doing this; to educate people what it is like to be me, a sufferer of RA, right now. So if something good happens then I will talk about that. But if there’s something to rant or moan about then I’ll bloody well do that too. And today is no exception. Wait for it...

I HAVE A COLD.

“...And?” I hear you say. Because having a cold is no big deal, is it?

Well usually I’d agree. But when you have RA it’s a bit of a different story. The problems with having a virus when you have RA are twofold; 1) because some of the medication I take dampens down my immune system, my immune system is not equipped to deal with said virus, so I come off worse than your average Joe and am stuck with it for what seems like forever, and 2) my feeble immune system does at least attempt to fight off said virus but in the process decides to attack my joints as well.

So when you have RA having a cold is pretty bad news. And I can’t afford to be ill at the moment – I have just started an obstetrics and gynaecology placement as part of my doctor training and being sick just isn’t part of the timetable. So in my attempts to deal with this somewhat shitty situation I have been going to bed at about 9PM for the past three nights. But then because of the extra pain in my neck and back (and standard crippled hand pain, obviously) I keep waking up at ridiculous o’clock in the morning. So on top of being ill and in pain I’m also exhausted. All because of a stupid cold. 

It’s a shame because I am loving my placement at the moment. There aren’t many people who can say they spent their day feeling babies kick, listening to their heartbeats and watching them on an ultrasound scan, and I feel very lucky that my treatment has got me to a point where I am well enough to train and do all these things. I did get some funny looks when I checked some mums’ blood pressures today, though; it’s probably not the most reassuring thing when the person checking your blood pressure is wincing with every squeeze as she inflates the blood pressure cuff... (my hand wasn’t impressed with being made to do that and despite all the practice it’s had my face didn’t manage to hide the pain on this occasion).

Anyway it’s nearly 9PM which means it’s nearly time for bed. Ugh, I can’t believe I am saying that at the age of 23.

Day 74: For my dad

Today is my dad's birthday. Every year he insists that he doesn't want any presents, but every year I buy him something anyway... usually a shirt or, if I feel REALLY crazy, a pair of socks. But this year I was stuck. I’m pretty sure he has enough shirts and socks to last him a lifetime and as usual I didn't get any suggestions from my dad himself. So this year I've instead chosen to write something for him and for this, daddy, I apologize; firstly for not buying you any more socks and secondly because I know, like me, you aren't good with soppy shit like this...

Ever since I was diagnosed with RA it has been mama Bull who has done most of the, well, mothering. She was the one who fed me, washed me, dressed me, and helped me go to the toilet when I was too ill to do anything for myself. She came to every one of my hospital appointments whilst I was growing up. And because of this, she understands better than anyone what I have been through, and what I am still going through. My dad, like most others, has always struggled to understand how it feels and what it is like to live with RA, whether it be why I have so little energy or why I find it so hard to unscrew a milk bottle top from time to time. And I don’t expect him to. But he has never stopped trying. There’s nothing worse than seeing your child suffer, knowing you can’t do anything to make their pain go away. Imagine having to watch your loved one cry, when you can’t even give them a hug to comfort them because it will cause them too much pain. This is the reality that my parents have had to face for the last 10 years. But they have always stayed strong. In particular my dad finds it hard to get his head around the amount of medication I have to take on a daily basis. I doubt he would even take a paracetamol if he was dying; he hates the idea of the damage the drugs could be doing to my body.

Whether he understands or not my dad has always been there for me, from carrying me up and down the stairs when I couldn’t walk to making me a drink because I don’t have the energy to walk to the fridge. And he never stops trying to understand; recently he has even started talking to me about how I feel and asking me questions about the disease. I know how hard he finds this.

So thank you, daddy, for always being there for me. Thank you for looking after me. Thank you for putting up with me being so irritable when I’m ill. And thank you for never giving up trying to understand.

Happy birthday. And I'm sorry that you are getting old. 

Day 64: 80-year-old bones

Today I was scanned by one of these:

DEXA scanner

With a stylish hospital gown on and my legs propped extremely elegantly I had my lower spine and right hip scanned to monitor my bone density. Four years ago this same machine diagnosed me with osteoporosis and I was told that I had 80-year-old bones. This wasn't exactly the greatest news I've ever received, but personally I think it’s a small price to pay for my mobility. Another part of my daily drug regime is Prednisolone, a steroid. It helps to reduce the swelling around my joints and generally makes me feel that little bit less ill. Mama Bull tells me that it was the Prednisolone that enabled me to be able to walk again back in the day when I was first diagnosed, so it’s a pretty great drug as far as drugs go. But it also has some pretty shit side effects, including thinning my bones and making them more prone to fractures. Aside from having to take a couple extra pills a day, losing me half an inch in height, and having to go through this scan once every two years though I’m pleased to say it hasn't so far had much effect on my life. For now I have to wait just over a month to find out from my rheumatologist whether or not my bones have got any worse.